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Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Focus!
Just came back from FF paper. HAHA. Dunno what to think . I didn't study. So expected de. Tons of question i dunno how to do. HAHA.
In the end i am my biggest enemy. My own greastest saviour. From here i needa focus. Study. Don't waste my poly education.
Even though i choose accounts cos of my parents but they had my best interests at heart and i made my choice. I 'll have to stick through! Jia you^^!
Last update: Ehto got into mentoring.
Feeling: Surprised. HAHAHHA
Cux i didn't noe they sent the mail to my SP account and i went to check my MSN account. Missed the sch selection thing. Jia Qi not gg liao. Yuqi nv go interview. So i'm gonna have to start all over again. LOL. Daph joined another CCA ( somehwat like mentoring de. Dunno wad ). Mayling hear interview sian diao liao. HAHAHA.
But that's not the point. Happy to give to the community! ^^ Hopes I will have a fun time as a mentoring member. LOLS. Hope it is worth it man! Cux yr 2 liao. Studies more impt than ever. Whee!!
STEPHANIE WHEN R U GOING TO EXERCISE HAHHAHA.Labels: =D
her sweet memory was written @ 3:20 PM
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Don't judge me!
Everyday is a learning experience and no two days are really the same at all. Cux you today and tomorrow is never the same. People are constantly changing by the day and everyday bit by bit there is a little more understanding to the world around us..
I've come to realise why is it that although my parents love my sister and me a lot, why do we always feel stressed up around them. Its cause of judgement.
People always tend to judge others including myself. My parents judge me from their point of view. They don't understand me and they never will but they love me a lot.
They judge me for my feelings my actions and my thoughts.
My mum always ask me to be myself with them but i am always unable to. I asked myself why many a times and now i seem to catch a glimpse of why. This is because they judge who i am. And they have never truely accepted me for who i am.
I 've always understood its natural for people to judge others but i guess i always thought that being the most true to my feelings with my family is the best but maybe its not.Cause maybe to me their judgement is weird to me cause i felt the whole world can judge you but at least ur little haven (family) shouldn't. Cause i'm more real with my friends. And this is cause my really close friends don't judge me that much. At least that's what i believe.
Maybe its an innate characteristic that parents will be critical of their children for the sake of improving and re improving one's character. But i suppose the case with my family is that we are really a family of people with ultra different personalities. My Dad is prob a mix of Mel and Chol and my mum Prob a Phleg, my sis prob a mel and me sanchol. Ok maybe its just me lol. HAHA.
Its so hard cux they're always judging me. I can't cry( kena scolded) can't laugh( dad too serious) can't be myself so i'm just quiet at home. I dun really like being at home with my family cause it just reminds me of how not me i am at home. So i usually am in my room at home. ( usually sleeping). I noe its very unfilial of me. But i'm trying hard mum n dad! Maybe as hard as u are too! Spending time with u guys can be very tiring to me cause its a mix feeling. Like i don't know u but i love you very much. And i see all you do as a parent i noe its not easy! And your love for me and sis is something i prob will only understand when i have my own kids.But then again. You have taught me many things. Your good characteristics that me a San dun have WAHAHA. You taught me to learn on my own two feet. You taught me to struggle with my emotions. You taught me by conduct to accept others because of your say only but didn really mean it acceptance of me. I have learnt to see others for the person inside them. Instead of using purely judgement. So many things to learn in life!
I guess i really want to improve my relationship with my family members and i really do love them=D But i guess theres still a long long way man!
I really want my parents to see my strong points as well. Instead of always seeing the bad.I couldn't undertsand my dad perfectionsim(even a holiday also must according to schedule de. Chill man!Work den on schedule, holiday just run ard lah! SO STRESSED FOR WHAT!!) and his anti socialness and my sister's hatred for almost everything. Now i guess is still don't really.
But my Gems teacher taught me about different personalities and when i put my family members into each one and try to understand them it makes it a whole lot easier to see it from their point of view! No wonder MS Rachel said it helped her a lot!
Now i see it from their eyes, it makes them more human to me i guess. I suppose asking a Mel to accept a San child and be a hair pulling experience huh? So i've learnt to be Chol at home. Isn't a bad thing though. (I'm a high san n high Chol, 53,50)Guess they think i'm a scary monster.
WAHAHHA. I wish you could open your heart to see who i am. Don't just say. You don't mean what you say.Labels: Random
her sweet memory was written @ 8:39 PM
Monday, June 22, 2009
Where do i go from here?
Been not able to study for a long time. ( Not exact words)
Dad: (Looks at me) Its been a long time since i saw you studying with so much enthusiasim and vigor.
Me( thinking): Its been a long time since i did something i like.
Dad: Accounting has never really been what you wanted from day 1 am i right? Actually u can't really do accounts cause XXX and i'm not saying you can;t.. but u'll struggle.. and be careful.
The rest is history,
HAHA.
Truth is i joined accounting because i thought you believed i could do it. I know u are convincing yourself that ur daughter can. But too bad she's not really for that kinda line and neither is that her interest. Sorry.
I got through year 1 faring borderline with a ending GPA of 3.2. Comforted that i struggled through not only with the syllabus but also with the fact that i joined accounts knowing that's not where i wanna go.
Took me a long time to realise that i shouldn't join things cause of other's opinion and confidence in me. It should be for me . I should live my life for myself essentially. Even though i know i have to consider other's feelings. But ultimately its me. Only i can determine what i want the most.
So after not studying for so long. With a new resolve, i shall make the best of my present , keep the future in mind, Plan for the future and last but not least. Live for myself.
Plan 1
Study hard for MST
Plan 2
EXCERCISE to keep fit! So as to not waste medical resouces and medication. Cheers to a healthy lifestyle=DLabels: Random
her sweet memory was written @ 5:25 PM
random
I wanted to continue posting the Redang photos but theres just too much! HAHA . So i'll blog about something else before continuing.
This morning i had somewhat of an onset of Asthma. Its my Sister's birthday today. I feel bad not being able to celebrate it with her. I tried to hold the Asthma back as far as i could but in the end i cried because i just suddenly felt like a burden cause it was such a happy day and i had to have an asthma attack.
When mummy asked me why i just didn't want to explain anything. I just wanted my sister to go to her fav K box and sing so i wasn't reluctant to go there just that i wasn't feeling very well so maybe i didn't look too happy.
But this incident did teach me something . That i should stop taking everything as my fault and don't feel as if i'm responsible for everything. Cause i'm not. Like today. I shouldn't have cried. I DIDN'T ask for an attack. And the late night sleeping that might have caused it? I dunno. I guess i was thinking about tons of stuff bahs. HAHA. I had to sort it out if not i cannot sleep.
I realised one thing. Only i can help myself. If i was to know what was my inner self i had to search for it myself. And i didn't have a choice. Because i am such a person. I need to find out my inner voice.
Sure i enjoy each present moment and enjoy my sweet treasure of past memories but sometimes things happen and i get to know myself more and more. And then i realise there's so much more about me i don't know. I am my biggest mystery.
It feels sweet to be alive. I should't cry. There are many things to learn. Like to learn to be stronger. I'm growing each day. Learning to be stronger. Someday i'll learn when to keep my tears and when to let it out. Someday i shall find my balance=DLabels: Random
her sweet memory was written @ 4:51 PM
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Redang Part1.1
These are some pictures taken before we headed for the beach. Ting yu is up up and away! Hui Fen and i trying to make a heart shape. LOLS. Not bad lah. Wanted to upload Hui Fen and Lynn and Ting Yu de but couldn't squeeze it in. ARGHH..
Me wearing my SP black shirt. I love that shirt. I thought i lost it forever. But i found it again!! We were going to look for a place to put our stuff. And my photographer was Ting Yu!
Hui Fen trying to act Hip Hop! LOLS. She coup the hat from You Yi de lol.
 YAY! My Star Formation! Finally! HAHA. Using legs. In Redang waters!! hehex! Phtogrpahed by me! kk tired le. I post more pictures next time. HAHA. Labels: Random
her sweet memory was written @ 12:50 AM
Friday, June 19, 2009
Redang Part 1
Back from Malaysia Redang! went with a bunch of sweeties. Hui Fen, Lynn, Pearl, Katherine, Ting Yu, You Yi and Wilson!!
It was a super long journey. 16 hours on the road. =D I shared a room with Hui Fen and You Yi.
I'm so gonna upload the pictures. ^^
14th June. 8+ pm.
Met the whole bunch of sweeties. Saw You Yi first. She was carrying a small bag. Stun tio! why go Redang bring so little thing. Shocked!But its cuz she left her other bag with the rest of the people. LOL=.="
Anyways we headed down to Golden Mile Tower. We walked to and fro in front of the tower without knowing that was the tower. Funny lol. HAHA.All of us feel cheated.
Later we met Hui Fen who cabbed down to the tower cause she couldn't meet us at the station.
She look like air stewardess. Elegant and high class. HAHA, With the scarf around her. LOLS.
I wear Singapore Polytechnic Black shirt. HAHA. Got contrast when stand beside her. WAHHAHA.
Our next problem was we couldn't find WTS.When we finally found it we feel cheated again. Cause the place is just in front of us again. We walk one big round to come back to where we left off. The name not the same de lol. Cheated. HAHA
But anyways there was a jam at the causeway.Our dear bus was 45 minutes late. Couldn't blame bus-y cause the jam wasn't his fault. BUT next time BU KE YI LE WOR!. HAHAHA. I feel so childish.
 You see the picture here? This was taken while i was peeing. Win liao lol. Never wait for me. WAHAHA. But nice right! hehe. This is in the toliet after passing Singapore Customs. Everyone say Cheeze!! CHEEZE!! Reminds me of Meng Xi HAHA.
The Bus ride was a long and cold one. Really feel very cold. The aircon was freezing me. I only brought my cardigan along. Super Duper Ultra cold. Maybe without the ultra la. In the end i couldn't take it i took out my towel to provide me some warmth. Thanks towel! My towel is cute. It has rabbits and flowers and is a sweet yellow in colour. I'm so childish, But i just like my towel!
Upon reaching the jetty we had to take a 1.5 hour ferry ride to Redang! I was famished!
Saw lotsa coconut trees along the way. Wooden and concrete one storey houses dotted the sides of the roads. A bit like doll houses. There eateries were more like same restaurants rather than food courts or hawker centres like in Singapore.
This is when we reached the jetty! This is pearl! isn't she sweet! =D Smile sweetheart! HAHA . Me pinching my nose in the bg. AH CHOO. BUT its not H1N1. Its the aircon!
Ta dah! Bejaya Beach Resort. A bit outta the way but still ok! HAHA. Nice right! the architecture. Serene would love it. You yi kept snapping pictures like nobody's business.
The two pictures you see here on the right are those taken from the business centre.There really is a treasury of books.
This is our hotel room. Really nice ya. HAHA. Hello Hui Fen! Dun peek at ppl taking bath la! The toliet had a bathtub and a shower, You see the furthest right picture. I slept in that bed. Close to the toliet. The windows can be opened at will. Tempted to open when they bathing. NO LA. Joking. I like guys. Ok i gonna separate the day's event into another post! HAHA
The beach one!
Labels: Random
her sweet memory was written @ 10:06 PM
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
treasure=D
Past few days since Friday everyday was filled with a mixture of sadness and happiness.
Happy cause i got to pray to Buddha and although i wasn't really focused, i'm still happy i went. During the prayer i had headaches and some breadthing difficulties. Really wanted to go back to the hotel. HAHA. but i guess all these are obstacles. Training for the mind and faith.
Anyways feeling terrible about the what i saw. Saw a lot of suffering which i dun intend to rewrite it here. Because most people already noe what kind of suffering i 'm talking about. But seeing it first hand so near to you is something of a novel experience. Staying at P2 , near a residential area, you could really see the difference.
Dirty cramped and smelly alleys and run down dirty old buildings. Polluted brown water trickled down the streets and the smell of petroleum filled the air. Beggars dotted the streets and it seemed like it was part of their city landscape. The hotel seemed like a safety haven for me then. It was like looking at all the suffering at ur doorstep while sitting on a some comfory sofa.
There was a sense of helplessness and sadness that kinda consumed me those few days. I dreaded walking down the roads not because it was smelly or dirty, but cux of how bad living conditions could be. Guess its normal there but it doesn seem normal to me at all.
Beggars were seriously cripped.One even lied on the pavement near a highway. Half of this body wasn't even there. I guess it might be a syndicate or something cux like he couldn't have lied like that on the ground like that himself. Someone prob put him them to beg. He was dirty and unkempt. Holding a bowl up for people to drop some coins into it. I reckon the money doesn go to him but the syndicate that prob gives him only enough to survive. Just a mere existence for him to be used as a tool to garner sympathy so that people would give him some money. If he doesn get enough money he may be brutally beaten.
He also has parents and a family. People who care for him. He may be from a loving family. Maybe he was kidnapped and his poor parents cannot find him. Maybe they miss him. Maybe he was sold by his parents to the syndicate, There is just too many maybes.
I didn quite see him when i walked along the pavement. It was dark and the pavement was relatively narrow. Many people bypassed him. Some gave him some money, some tripped over him and just quickly walked off. It must have felt terrible to be ignored. No one bothers about your existence . Some pity you for that moment and then forget about you. Nevertheless he begs and there is the will to live on what i see as a meaningless life.
But life is precious isn't it. Water finds its own level just like every man finds his worth and place in life. Understands his contributions to the world.
I almost tripped on this beggar and i ran. It was a painful sight to see. I was silent for the rest of the journey.Either that or i didn't know what i was saying anyway.
The next day i went back to the same pavement, the beggar wasn't there anymore.
The rest of the days i saw more beggars. Mostly handicapped. Like the legs or hands weren't even there anymore. It was such a common sight it became distrubing.Children were begging. People were laying a thin sheet and selling cheap stuff.Some screaming their heads off, some on wheelchairs , some just looking dazed,
7.30pm- overhead bridge . A mother was carrying her child. asleep, looking sick. It was cold and windy. My dad gave my sister some money to donate.
11plus pm- roadside. We were shopping for clothes. But my mind wasn't really there. Saw that hey! the make shift roadside stalls at night was all located near lamposts and i remembered seeing all those dark roadside stalls on the way back to th hotel.I realised that they used
the light from the lamposts to light up their stalls! how clever, but also how poor they are.
Its been 2 days since i came back. The helplesssness is still there. Nagging at me. Dun really noe what i can offer. Its hard to just forget what i saw. Jin hao say vv fast forget de. Wun sad tt long. Wow. imgaine how short can one's emphaty be.its quite true.U can help that person once den forget him.feel saint for that moment. But u can't really make a difference i guess.. After the toil of exams comes on i prob really nt feel anything liao. ( Life goes on). Its sad to noe one will always be forgotton after a while.
Feel like so sad. Though its not my fault. Walked a lot this trip. Wanted to see for myself... see more. Not sit inside the taxi n see nothing. Save money n my family from traffic jam 2=P
study hard ba. So that a difference can be made=D
Labels: Random
her sweet memory was written @ 11:58 PM
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
TT
Back from Thailand religious trip. Many things running through my mind. Really a lot.
Knew many things that i might have rather not known. Affected my thinking a lot these days. As in not at this point of time. Woke up on the last day feeling really sore. I clutched my pendant on the plane as a form of comfort but i think i accidentally dropped it. Now i feel really sore. And my parents think i'm weird. I kinda think so too. Like even though i was very sad it wasn't an excuse for me to clutch the pendant and lose it. I 'm quite sure i put it in my bag. But its not there, Now i feel really bad. I didn't try to explain anything. Cux its really my fault. Now i really wanna sit in front my altar table and cry. Sometimes i'm struggling to find my worth in life.
I'm always making mistakes and i really do try to avoid them. But it seems the more i want to change for better i always screw up. Screwing up makes me a better person later on in life but the process is painful. This time would be a good lesson learnt. I needa be more focused.Labels: Random
her sweet memory was written @ 9:29 PM
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